I see I see ...say's the blind man

“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” – 2 Chronicles 16:9

(inhale) I see you seeing me. (exhale) I want to see.

I love these breath prayers we are doing through this Lenten season. I want to continue to breathe with these. I wrote this one on my wrist the other day at work. Then, I thought to myself “hmmm someone reading my one wrist might be freaked out by reading I see you seeing me.” So I washed it off. Maybe I should have left it on.

I see you seeing me. And I want to live out loud and live in a way where I’m questioned. I want others to seek sight too. I know I’m very broken. I know my sight is blurred. I have to come daily, even on bright shiny days as this, for my eye exam. I don’t see others or myself the way God sees. I know that breaks God’s heart. I want our hearts to be whole and my eyes to be clear. I want to see.

I see you seeing me. And like the blind man I call out “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” I want to be pure at heart and see God in everything. And I want to hear God say “Go your faith has healed you.” I want to see.

“Do the Little Things”

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? Luke 16:10-12

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ Matthew 25:19-21

I want to share. I want to do a lot of it. I especially want to share happiness. I have found it hard to share in the happiness of others much of the time. Usually they have something I want and instead of being happy for them I find myself green with envy. Although it’s not a heavy shade of green I’m tinted nonetheless. I’m trying to change that. It’s such an ungrateful way to act when I’m not happy about what I do have.

I’m not so sure that I even can be trusted with I do have. I have problems with handling my money, STILL. I still have problems reacting to affection. I want more and more of it but I don’t acknowledge it when I get it. I pay more attention to negative comments and words and throw away any positive I receive. And then there is food. We still have an unhealthy relationship there. I can’t be trusted to be a good consumer, especially with junk food without being a glutton most of the time. So it boils down to me not being able to be left alone with single men, food and my own money. GEEZ!

But there is hope. I’m only supposed to take it one day at a time. I get so caught up in this world and it’s fast pace. I forget to walk with Jesus. I have to do the little things, one at a time. Progress happens with one step at a time. I have to be okay with baby steps at times. I need to not bite off more than I can chew. I remember this time last year, one day at a time was often all I could handle. I get all crazy when I don’t live like that. It seems so simple. Why do I always want to be super woman? Why can’t I instead let God be super?

So today I will start to try to do the little things. Wake up. Walk with Jesus. Let him guide me, every moment, everywhere and in every way. I want this I want to be a good steward of what God gives me. I have to prove my track record. I have to show I can be trusted. I have to prove to my Father that I can share so I can share in his happiness. I want this and I know he wants it for me too!