Home Sweet Home

”Home is …where you can receive what you desire. You need human hands to hold you there so you don’t run away again. But when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart.” – Henri Nouwen

I’m on my way home. Although, I’m not quite sure what that means. Obviously, the ultimate home is not of this world and we are all on that journey through life. However, I’m still in search of that temporary earthly home. I don’t know where I will find it, who will be there to keep me from running away, how to get there, when I will see it in the horizon or what that home even looks like.

It’s as though five years of my life I have been VERY far from home. I was never quite home anyways. But for five years I wandered in the total opposite direction of home, thinking I would find it in the distance. The false encouragement I got along the way propelled me onward until the tiny voice inside shook me into my senses.

I’ve always thought I was someone who had a good sense of direction but I’m not so sure I do after all. I feel like I walked so far into a dangerous forest without any desire to turn back around that I didn’t leave a trail of bread crumbs behind. However, now I MUST turn back and don’t know how to get out.

Maybe the trail of bread crumbs would have been eaten anyway. Or maybe that isn’t the same path I should be heading back on, too much history and too much familiarity to draw me back into the forest. I must find a new way and trust that I will be provided with the resources I need to get out of this forest and back on my journey home.

Where do I even start? How do I get back on the right path? Who is waiting for me at this place called home? What do I do now? When will I not be so afraid and frustrated with myself? I just want to click my heels and just get there.

Unfortunately, good things do not come easy. I know this. It’s really hard. It’s full of surrender and trust. It requires letting go and letting the control lie with God. When will I ever be ready? Why do I keep fighting? I want to be home so bad but something is holding me back from making the progress I need to be making. I want to be free. I don’t want to be restless. I want to be comforted. I don’t want to be frightened. I want to feel the fullness of love. I don’t want to be joyless. Maybe I’m not ready for everything. God knows what I am ready for. I just pray I keep walking and when I stumble I get up fast. I need to keep remembering that home is where I’m heading. I want to find true encouragement as I meander back home. Can’t wait to snuggle next to the warmth of love, sip its sweet fulfillment, and lay my head down in true rest and safety. Can you tell me how to get, how to get to….HOME…Sweet home!