I'm always struck by Henri Nouwen's words when I read from the book "The Inner Voice of Love." It is an amazing book. I think anyone could relate to it. Here is what I read today.
The chapter is Acknowledging Your Powerlessness.
"A seed only flourishes by staying in the ground in which it is sown. When you keep digging the seed up to check whether it is growing, it will never bear fruit. Think about yourself as a little seed planted in rich soil. All you have to do is stay there and trust that the soil contains everything you need to grow. This growth takes place even when you do not feel it. Be quiet, acknowledge your powerlessness, and have faith that one day you will know how much you have received."
Wow huh? Well even if you aren't saying wow, this is why I am. I try to have so much control of my life and I really end up running myself ragged. I've been trying to fast and have some kind of control over this whole new beginning that's brewing in February. I've stressed myself out to the point where I have lowered my immunity and become vulnerable to yet again another winter head-cold. I keep digging at myself and seeking from others to confirm that I have grown through the last year. I keep running around busying myself with fake control making myself very fruitless. I have not acknowledged powerlessness like many of us. I keep pushing against the insides of myself to go to somewhere, something, someone else instead of staying with myself and being patient with my little seed.
I am starting to see that I have been planted by God in VERY rich soil. I have an awesome family, great friends and a wonderful body of Christ, through Circle of Hope, that I'm yearning to know more about. I have plenty to be grateful for and plenty of nutrients to help me grow as an individual. I keep trying to check to see if I'm growing into a beautiful butterfly but all I keep doing is disrupting this cocoon process and seeing this ugly mess of a half creature trying to be transformed. I have to be okay if I don't feel miraculous changes day to day, week to week, month to month. I have to learn to be quiet in the darkness and let myself be transformed and just continue to WAIT until that moment when God will give me the okay to spread my beautiful wings and fly.
This book is ridiculous because of all of the amazing nuggets of wonderfulness! Have you ever read the front "note to the reader"? It says something like, THIS BOOK IS MEANT TO BE READ OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME. DO NOT READ MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME. Henri probably realized that we would all be so wrapped up in our heads if we read too many. :) Looking forward to your baptism and covenenting tonight. :)
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