“To live in the past and future is easy. To live in the present is like threading a needle.”
–Walker Percy
It is a beautiful day out today, full of sunshine and the perfect temperature. It’s a day off for me with nothing I have to do but rest, and yet I find it hard to do so. It’s frustrating that I can’t just chill. I’ve been putzing around the apartment trying to straighten up here and there, going to the gym, going food shopping for the week, and just hurriedly doing NOTHING of importance. Even as I sit here on my balcony typing I wonder am I just doing this to keep myself busy? I’ve been praying for a day to just have nothing to do and here it is. I don’t know what to do with myself. By now most of the day is gone and I haven’t really gotten to relax much.
I’ve been going about my days much like a squirrel. Most of the time when you observe a squirrel, it is running around keeping itself busy. It is usually darting across streets, jumping from tree limb to tree limb, looking for hidden treasures in the ground or in the dumpster, or just sitting flicking its tail looking for the next place to leap to. I feel like a squirrel lately. But God wanted to show me something today, a squirrel at rest. I was standing out on my balcony enjoying the fresh air and I noticed a squirrel lying lazily and cozy on a tree branch. I was simply amazed at such a silly little thing. I thought to myself I don’t think I have ever seen a squirrel sitting still like that, unless it was roadkill. God is calling me constantly to just sit amongst his creation and rest because I need it and deserve it. To be like this squirrel so naturally cuddled up against God’s creation enjoying the nice weather like the rest of us, really treasuring the peace that it can bring to your soul.
For just this moment, I was more peaceful and much more attentive to the present rhythm of nature then I have been in a long while. I desire so much to be on a more stable and calming frequency. We breathe without thinking, but it’s so relaxing to intentionally breathe deep and slowly. I need to learn a lesson from the vibrant creation that is popping up around me. I need to learn it’s a time for renewal, for youth, for beauty, for refreshing peace, a time for healthiness, a time to breathe deep even though I have things to do and things to work on. I need to live with a peaceful, steady and calmly disciplined heart. It is so easy to think about all the past memories, wishing for those better times or becoming saddened by unfruitful moments or relationships. It’s so easy to linger on what the future might bring me even if it is minutes away. As calmly as I knit or crochet, with nothing else I can do but slow down and intentionally make something creative and useful, I want to intentionally pay attention to the present moment I’m threading myself through. It’s hard, very hard, to stay in a pinpointed moment but I really need to pay attention to the little things and moments. God isn’t asking me to try to see the whole blanket or scarf of my life; he’s just asking me to keep threading myself through the small little windows of time. I know the creation will be beautiful because God doesn’t make crap. So I just need to quietly consume myself with the peaceful moments of NOW by pretending that in every little thing that I do I am only meant to do that for the moment. My hands should be tangled up in the NOW and not busy doing a million things at once. I need to start NOW, intentionally being present and peaceful. (sigh)
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