“For as long as we continue to cling to bad habits that may not be life-threatening but certainly aren’t life-enhancing, we only steal from our potential.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
They say the first steps to recovery are acknowledging that there is a problem. Then, the usual step most of us take after that is all consuming worry as we try to frantically control the situation or issue in our lives. Often I have found in my own life that I don’t take these concerns to the One who actually does have control over these situation and issues. I try to go at fixing it myself with the limited knowledge I have of my life and the world around me.
When I really evaluate how I usually act during these moments, I am appalled by myself. I usually become stressed and then try to call everyone and their mother to help me figure things out. First of all, that burdens other people. Second, they usually have their own opinions and not-so-healthy ways of dealing with their own similar issues. Finally, they lack knowledge and lack ways to help. So why do I continue to follow this cycle of distress? I personally believe that it’s deeply rooted in my inability to fathom God’s love for me and his complete understanding of everything. I don’t trust, simply put, that he will take care of things.
Let’s evaluate this. Going to God with our problems never burdens him. Also, not only does he have his own opinion of the situation; he has the only opinion that matters. He is the only one with the complete understanding of the healthiest way to deal with our troubles. So why when we have this incredible resource at our fingertips do we not use it? Again, I think it’s because we underestimate his power and his love for us.
So as I continue on this road to finding love for myself and learning to fall in love with God, I have found clear problems or habits in my life that block me from reaching my full potential.
One big problem is my relationship with food. I have come to the conclusion that I’m addicted to it and need help in this area. Reluctantly, I have decided I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous. Hopefully I will get myself there this week. However, it’s been really hard acknowledging that I have a serious problem and not joking around about it. It really has affected my health badly. I believe not only does it affect my health but it affects most overweight Americans. I feel like people seek all kinds of drugs, doctors, and programs to help them become healthier to no avail because they aren’t seeing the bigger issue. We are stressed and we have learned through example in society to feed our emptiness with something. Food is usually the choice, that or we self-medicate in other ways. But think about the destruction you would cause to your vehicles if you put the most unhealthy oil or gas in its tank. It wouldn’t work properly and would probably not function at all. So instead of trying to lose weight, I need to focus on the extreme unhealthiness involved in bad nutrition. The solution is not within sight for me yet but I know with constant faith and hope in the power of prayer I can get through this, one moment at a time.
Another big problem is my impatience in my single state. I keep breaking my promise to myself on this journey through the year of love for myself. I give in to the temptations and desires in so many ways. I am often wishing for the affection of a man. I have fulfilled the desire more times than I would like to admit this year, especially because this was supposed to be a year free of physical and emotional encounters with men. I have not been kind to myself and to those I have engaged in interactions with. I’m not being fair to myself because I’m deepening my wounds left by unhealthy relationships. I’m just adding to the infection and hurt by continuing in my old ways of dealing with men. I’m not respecting myself as a daughter of God, and in turn a princess who should be treated like one. Also, I’m not being fair to the men I encounter. Whether they care or not I’m hurting them too. But most of all I’m hurting the one who will eventually be my soul mate. I truly believe God loves me and wants to give me the desires of my heart but in His timing and His ways. If I continue to engage in behaviors that are impulsive due to my desires to feel affection, I am giving into the temptation that Satan so easily places in my way. I will continue to hurt my future husband or more importantly our future relationship. So the only thing I have thought to work at the moment is to first pray and then to write to him. If I believe in God’s promises, I know this desire would not be denied of me. So why not believe that my husband exists somewhere? I should be faithful to him starting now. I’m not being naïve and thinking this is going to be easy. Satan is going to tempt me and God is going to allow it so I can exercise my faith in Him. Practice makes perfect and prayer brings promises.
Lastly, I just had this revelation about trees. I’m not quite sure what it means yet. I’ve been drawn to this one song on my Zen relaxation cd. The melody is enchanting and so I had to look up what a Bodhi tree looks like, hence the picture and title associated with this blog entry. Then, I glanced at my Simple Abundance book. On the cover is a tree. I usually write in the Treehouse Coffee Shop. Hmmmm… then I thought isn’t there another book with a tree on the cover? Yeah…the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Hmmm…I just bought a book by Rick Warren to lead me through the fruit of the Spirit. Fruit grows on trees usually. Hmmm… still not sure of what all this means but maybe I need to go sit underneath a Bodhi tree to find out for myself. I’m sure God would meet me there!
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