“If you find God with great ease, perhaps it is not God that you have found.” – Thomas Merton
Picture a small trickling creek. One side was the life I’ve left behind a LONG time ago. The other side is not visible. Actually the only thing I can see is the small stepping stones I’ve traveled on so far. Right now, I’m anxiously waiting on a stone in this small creek. However, a very short time ago this small creek was raging with flooding waters and I was drowning. Thankfully, things are a little more under control now. I am not drowning anymore but I’m in a very thick fog. A fog where I can’t see the next stepping stones, and forget about trying to see the other side of this creek, that is no where in sight.
When this river was raging with flood waters, I would equate this with the storm I was in this January. I was seriously drowning, and all of you were there with your little prayer buckets bailing me out as much as you could, but all you could really do was watch me tread water. I had to grow my muscles in these hard waters and you all could see my strength growing more and more.
So here I stand on my small stone, waiting for this fog to clear. I have no clue when that will be, God only knows. I’m here and it’s still kind of scary and very lonely. I see the old stones that I traveled on and I would be crazy to even think about going back on those smaller, even more unsteady stones to go back to the life I’m not meant to live anymore.
I know many of you, me included, are very interesting in seeing me on the other side of this whole thing. It’s unimaginable what’s there! I’m kind of excited and anxious to make the next step. But again, there is a fog and I would also be crazy to make a jump not knowing where the next stone is.
I know that when the fog clears a little or when God speaks, I will have that ambitious part of myself that will take hold and I will have the confidence to step or jump when God tells me it’s time. Who know, maybe the next part of my walk will be making it onto the other side. I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure I have other stones to walk on, some shaky, some slippery, some sturdy, and maybe there will be a small flood again as I walk but I do know some things. I can’t go backwards. I have to stay where I am right now and enjoy the positives at the moment.
I know that I am on the right stone. I know that the fog will clear. The fog is actually very pretty to look at sometimes. The fog is somewhat refreshing and cleansing. I know there is another side. I know God will bless me if I am patient and positive. I know he will bless me as I grow stronger while steadying myself on my wobbly stone. I know he is with me. I know my family and friends are there to help me when the waters rise again. I know they are there to lend me a hand as I take my steps and leaps.
I am just learning to stay still and just BE on this stone and since I have no where to go and nothing to really do. I’m learning to sing, to hear my own voice and soul. I’m also learning to be quiet so that I can hear things through this fog. See, I’ve been very loud and rebellious over these past few years. I’ve been controlling and frantic and anxious and scared to death at times. When God I believe is VERY patiently whispering to me and waiting. I can’t hear him the way that I’ve been and if I don’t learn to BE and SHUT UP I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take a while for me to get to the other side.
So just think of me while I wait on my unsteady stone in the middle of my creek in the middle of no where and be there for me if I need your little prayer bucket or your hand to steady me onto the next stone But please don’t SPEAK too much, please be STILL with me, please be PATIENT, please be LOVING, and don’t rush the fog. God knows what he’s doing. I will find him through the fog when it’s time.
Picture a small trickling creek. One side was the life I’ve left behind a LONG time ago. The other side is not visible. Actually the only thing I can see is the small stepping stones I’ve traveled on so far. Right now, I’m anxiously waiting on a stone in this small creek. However, a very short time ago this small creek was raging with flooding waters and I was drowning. Thankfully, things are a little more under control now. I am not drowning anymore but I’m in a very thick fog. A fog where I can’t see the next stepping stones, and forget about trying to see the other side of this creek, that is no where in sight.
When this river was raging with flood waters, I would equate this with the storm I was in this January. I was seriously drowning, and all of you were there with your little prayer buckets bailing me out as much as you could, but all you could really do was watch me tread water. I had to grow my muscles in these hard waters and you all could see my strength growing more and more.
So here I stand on my small stone, waiting for this fog to clear. I have no clue when that will be, God only knows. I’m here and it’s still kind of scary and very lonely. I see the old stones that I traveled on and I would be crazy to even think about going back on those smaller, even more unsteady stones to go back to the life I’m not meant to live anymore.
I know many of you, me included, are very interesting in seeing me on the other side of this whole thing. It’s unimaginable what’s there! I’m kind of excited and anxious to make the next step. But again, there is a fog and I would also be crazy to make a jump not knowing where the next stone is.
I know that when the fog clears a little or when God speaks, I will have that ambitious part of myself that will take hold and I will have the confidence to step or jump when God tells me it’s time. Who know, maybe the next part of my walk will be making it onto the other side. I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure I have other stones to walk on, some shaky, some slippery, some sturdy, and maybe there will be a small flood again as I walk but I do know some things. I can’t go backwards. I have to stay where I am right now and enjoy the positives at the moment.
I know that I am on the right stone. I know that the fog will clear. The fog is actually very pretty to look at sometimes. The fog is somewhat refreshing and cleansing. I know there is another side. I know God will bless me if I am patient and positive. I know he will bless me as I grow stronger while steadying myself on my wobbly stone. I know he is with me. I know my family and friends are there to help me when the waters rise again. I know they are there to lend me a hand as I take my steps and leaps.
I am just learning to stay still and just BE on this stone and since I have no where to go and nothing to really do. I’m learning to sing, to hear my own voice and soul. I’m also learning to be quiet so that I can hear things through this fog. See, I’ve been very loud and rebellious over these past few years. I’ve been controlling and frantic and anxious and scared to death at times. When God I believe is VERY patiently whispering to me and waiting. I can’t hear him the way that I’ve been and if I don’t learn to BE and SHUT UP I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take a while for me to get to the other side.
So just think of me while I wait on my unsteady stone in the middle of my creek in the middle of no where and be there for me if I need your little prayer bucket or your hand to steady me onto the next stone But please don’t SPEAK too much, please be STILL with me, please be PATIENT, please be LOVING, and don’t rush the fog. God knows what he’s doing. I will find him through the fog when it’s time.
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